OHM Abnormal Cyrus

Unlike many of the other bears Cyrus never had the occasion to bond with a human owner. Missing an eye he was always seen as defective or damaged goods. His first memory is the disappointed expression on a child’s face, and it was downhill from there. He bounced around for a while from yard sales to thrift stores to flea markets, before he was finally thrown away. This experience scarred the bear. He hates being alone, but his personality tends to grate. The other bears also find his attempts at friendship smothering.

The simplicity of Cyrus is apparent from the moment he opens his mouth. He struggles to express himself verbally, mixing metaphors and clichés. Though dumb as a post, you’re always left with a feeling of genuine sweetness and innocence from this child-like bear. His unfading loyalty is usually rewarded with abuse from others. People know he is willing to take ridicule and humiliation, just to be part of the gang. Deep down
it hurts.

Though Cyrus always starts with the best of intentions, mayhem usually follows the silly simpleton. At the heart of this walking and talking irritation is a lonely teddy bear looking for a “bestest” friend. Because the other bears don’t want him around unless they can use him for something, Cyrus usually has to make do with the trash he befriends. The inanimate objects are easy to identify, because he paints a giant green eye and smile on them.

Date of Death: 12/12/74

Favorite Place: Musty basements

Favorite Color: Stripes

Goal in Life: To fit a dozen ping-pong balls in his mouth

Hobbies: Writing songs about his beloved Toastie, painting green eyes on everything, and counting cracks in the ceiling

Favorite Saying: “Wowwie wowsers!!!” (He’ll usually repeat it a couple hundred times before he gets tired of it)

Dream Occupation: Optometrist